The dark roads shine with night lights

This is the mainroad in Helsinki, Mannerheimintie. Not so wide, because it is not such a big city anyway. It is chilly, about 15 degrees. And it rains. I am crossing the street at this point quite often now. Visiting Teppo who lives very near by my place.

It is funny. When I first got to know him, he lived hundreds of kilometers away. And now the distance is hundrets of meters. We are planning to make music and some multimedia projects together. His voice is really amazing. I will put the link to his music on my site later if he gives me permission to do it... And how could he say no now, when I already wrote this here :)

Autumn makes me wonder. And the music from Soundrack of Forrest Gump http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7lJigEh2_0&NR=1 does not help...
I think that this is one of the most beautiful melodies there is at this kind. And this was also played by the orchester in Puch Urstein (in Salzburg) at my birthday 22 of June. The orchester was so good!!! (There is also pictures in my blog at 22.6)

It is so windy that even if my windows are closed, the papers at the window board sometimes fly away! We put some insulating material there that should help..but situation is still bad :D

I am looking from the window. Listening the music and thinking of the big "l". And time to time maybe some "i":s after it. And how the theme still in my positive mind suites with the title.

But for most of you I am starting to sound senseless I quess ;) So I stop my writing now and go to sleep. For you: good night, good morning or good day. Where ever you are.

There is always light somewhere. Even in the dark roads.

At nights like these the wind makes big waves

At night like these it already starts to look like autumn. It rains and they have given a storm warning in radio. People should be aware of floods that may occur because of heavy rain. My internet connection nor television works. There was a fire somewhere and nobody has connection right now in this part of city. I am writing this with Openoffice writer...maybe tomorrow putting it for you to read.

The summer never really got started and now it seems to end. I have not swam in the sea nor in a lake this summer. Once I was sun bathing at the beack thought. Looking at people white skinned trying to get the most out of the sun as quick as possible before it is too late. But few are the people in Finland who really get sun tan in summer. And those who do still have to use pullovers and long pants soon.

I like autumn; looking how the rain cryes against the windows, how the trees use their final effort to shine with many colors, how thousands of birds fly in the sky. But after that. It gets dark. The birds are gone. And even if Finland is located in the North parts of the planet, we don't have so much snow in Helsinki. It is quite desperate looking city in the late autumn and winter.

This summer has been different. I had my summer in Austria that last almost half a year. Here it was like in end of March in Salzburg. I have never been missing so many people at the same time. I miss people all around the world now. And it is not a cliche, I really do. And there is also some I miss here in Finland. Some which are not anymore part of my life like earlier: before last winter, or before me leaving away.

I am kind of standing in a place where I don't know where the road will lead. I have trust in my life even if sometimes I hope I could get all the answers now, or that situations in my life could be at the point of final solution. But maybe it would be boring. Wating is sometimes cool too. Trying to tell it for myself anyway ;) But so. Life is in front of me. The big things still unsolved. Like love.

It is interesting to realise that the more people I have got to know, the more I have learned about life and my own thoughts and emotions. Life is like the waves...going up and down...and even in the situations when it feels like nothing happens, maybe the wind still moves the still water forward. Everything changes all the time. But some things remain. Sometimes you learn to appreciate things when seeing them from more far away. But have you already drifted too far away to go back?

And. Sometimes you forget what you have at this moment. Trying to reach something you don't have so much that you really don't see how lucky you are right now.

I was talking with my brother about “big issues” yesterday. There was errors on my computer and when trying to find bugs in the computer hard drives, we talked about bugs in human soul. He is very much into christian gosbel.

Is there a meaning in our lives? Do we have a path we have to walk throw? Is there right or wrong things to choose? Can there be good impact of doing something not so well, wrong decisions?

For my opinion and back to the waves again. Maybe sometimes you may baddle back to the point where you left something that you did not appreciate before...and take better care of it.

I think learning in life, growing in love and our individual growth as a persons is anyway one meaning. And also by doing something wrong or messing up your life, there can be things finally succeeded and realised; things that you would not have seen if not going a hard way. But how do I know. My brother had some other views than me in some questions. And maybe there is no right answers. Or is there? Who knows...

A night in the woods - Entropy

Thursday...27.7. I joined very quickly without any planning Heke who went to organise a party in the woods with his study unions electronical music club called Entropy. I didn't know any people there, but now I do :) My "nakki" (nakki= small sausage as we use the word for work in slang) was to take pictures.

We came at evening at about eight o'clock. The guys and girls worked until one before Finnish sauna where many of people went together naked. The mixed sauna is quite common thing in Finland. For me thought...well a little bit kinky. ;) Maybe I just have too sick mind. But I was anyway too tired and not interested in the heat. So I just ran around with the camera.

I and some others slept the night in the cottage. There was also people in tents and just under some wooden roofs (laavu) in the forest.

The party actually started on Friday night but we left to the city with Heke at next morning. He had some wedding to go to on Saturday. Later at the evening I met my friend Tiina and his man in Suomenlinna which is a little island at the coast of Helsinki and hanged also around with Teppo. Unfortunately I just deleted all those pics.

"Entrope's angles"

Next to the stage there was an old car in the forest.

Guys planning

relaxing next morning

In memory of Jiyeon...Korean kimbas

At Wednesday I made Korean kimbas to my friends and their dear ones (I am not sure how to write the word correctly). They are very similar to the Japanese sushi, but my Korean friend Jiyeon who taught me to do them in Austria, told that Japanese actually kind of took the recepy from Korea. So I quess this is the most original ones to make!

In the picture there are also loooots of different kind of puddings to Eve as "a payment" for helping me with Flash coding things time to time. She has been so nice and works for chocholate. :D This is the typical addiction of Finnish girls as you many learned by looking at my diet in Austria.

It was nice. We drank some white wine I bought and Eve brought and ate the kimbas...
Uuuu...by baby steps to alcoholism ;) Well no. But I have started to like white wine which I didn't few years ago.

Everybody said the kimbas were good and I was happy. It was my first time to make them myself. And I was happy to witness how my friend Vilja has now find a man to put in the kitchen :D Congratulations. He made very nice drinks for us and gave me this thing I can use for smashing fruits to drinks. Nice fellow.

But the evening was not just drinking and eating. We also played the game Trivial Pursuit where you have to answer to many kind of questions. I had to face the reality of my bad name and number memory when Vilja and Mika showed off. But anyway I knew the answer to environmental and animal questions :) Still remembered something from the things taught in high school. For those who don't know, I was considering of applying to study biology and genetics in high school, but graphic design was finally more interesting for me.

Ville, Eve, Mika and Vilja

At amusement park

The amusement park Linnanmäki

One of the oldest wooden roller coaster in Europe...maybe in the world

me, Vilja, Eve, Ville and Teppo


Funny mirrors

Rolling...

It was nice to see friends and spend a day in the amusement park. Almost every child in Finland have visited the amusement park Linnanmäki in Helsinki. Except Teppo...who is from North Finland. It was his first time :)

Teppo's childhood home is located near the place where Sanni and Hannele are living...Miss you girls...

After two weeks

It has been two weeks since I came to Finland. It has been raining almost everyday. Yesterday it didn't and I burned my skin and am looking now as a Pigglet from the book Winnie the Pooh.

Up to date I have visited my 92 years old grandmom in Center Finland, spent a lot of time with Heke and Teppo...reading a book at the cliffs by the sea, going to the gim and jumping on the trampoline in the sport center near by my flat. Two days ago on Monday I went swimming with the guys to Uimastadion, which is an outside swimming center by the Finnish Olympic stadium.

Here some pics from the Finnish contryside in the Center Finland.

There are so many abandoned buildings because people nowdays live more in the citys. Here is an old bustop by the street where my granmom lives. No buses since many years.

My dad tells about his childhood and about the surroundings of his childhood home

But now back to the life in Helsinki:

Most of the former "single" girlfriends of mine have started dating when I was away...so hah, I have now just boys to hang around with. All the girls are just like glued to their men and spending all the evenings having "ihanaa". (Many of you who were in Austria know this word that I tought you, because you just knew curse words.) But for those who don't ihanaa= wonderful, lovely, sweet etc.
OH...HOW SWEEEEEET... I am bored ;)

But so, there has been somethings to do for me too and maybe by litte steps it is going to be ok again to live here.

I have been listening radio's programs in Swedish. My radio is just playing some channels and somehow I always end up to these Finnish Swedish channels. I do understand most of the things they speak...even if it was hard to talk with Joakim or Therese (from Stockholm) in Austria time to time when I had to change the language between English, German and Finnish in two seconds.

For those who are interested: There is a minor population of Swedish speaking people in Finland (5,5 procent). And for that we all have to learn Swedish in the school. Actually Swedish is another official language in Finland. I am not starting to write my opinions about the politics...but the language thing is anyway weird I think. Like from the times Finland was part of Sweden before 1809 (part of Russia 1809-1917) and many of the Finns worked as "servants" for the Swedes who came earlier and later, like at the Middle Ages and took over the lands from the original folk. Well...now the Saame people who live in Lapland could start to speak about the bad Finns who came thousands years ago and forced them to go more Noth. ;D So well anyway...I am listening the channel and enjoying the fact that I know the Swedish language :) It helps also to understand a little bit Norwegian and Danish.

Today we will go to Linnanmäki. It is an amusement park in Helsinki. I think it will be fun and
I will put some pictures here later :)

Icecream and karaoke

Yesterday I saw some of my friends. We spend the evening eating icecream at a cliff by the sea. It was chilly and Vilja was repeating "on heinäkuu"= "it's July". Like it would get warmer that way...

Heke, Teppo and me

There was some people paddling at the sea and Teppo sang with Vilja some patriotic songs when they went by. And yes, there might have been some influence of drinking involved. Vilja was looking at the bottom of her beer can and said "it is getting less" with very suprised voice. It was funny...

Teppo and Vilja

After eating 15 icecreams (there was four of us) we went to sing karaoke at the city center of Helsinki. Actually just Teppo and Vilja sang. There was so many people wanting to perform that the song I was going to join too never came before we went home already. Teppo sings very well. He is actually studying music and I am just waiting the day he will be recording and signing posters for fans.


Hmm. But anyway atmosphere is still kind of...well. Like trying to climp higher from a hole or hanging at the gallows...But still breathing.

And I am happy to have good friends here in Finland too!

Playing with food again

Chocolate usually helps...but what about now.



Yesterday night we had to break in to my own stock room. Thanks to my friend Heke (the handyman), I had my plankets and pillows to sleep with. He had visited USA and brought me chocolate. Lime milkchocolate to be exact. It had a form like mandarin and I made faces...

Chocolate usually helps when I am feeling down. Actually I eat it at every mood. But this time...no effect. I still feel blue.

Hannele visited me today too. But she will go to North tomorrow. She knows what I am talking about when feeling kind of muddled to be back in Finland.

At the evening I made a walk with Heke at the near by coast of Baltic Sea. This was the most popular day of marriage this summer. It is 070707 and many couples wanted to celebrate the special day today. We saw this one festival going on in a place near by my home.

Love...hoping it will last for them. And waiting for me.

Life after Salzburg

I moved back to my flat today. I had it rented the time I was in Salzburg. I have been cleaning all day long. The quality of cleaning by my tenants was very different from Puch....

I spend few hours with Hannele today. She stays here couple of days with...a friend :D hah.

I was going to see some of my friends too now at night, but I have loosed the key for my stock room. I have there all my plankets and so on. Lucky me, there is a handyman belonging to my friends. He will come soon and try to saw the metal. He has a special thing for it. So I am waiting.

I am now eating this liver rice food...traditional Finnish one "maksalaatikko". Looks bad, but I have been kind of missing it.

The atmosphere is like in the pictures...

Back to the Igluland

Sitting in the Munich airport...
I think that coming back to Finland will feel somehow strange.
When you travel away from a place where you have created your life from ciro point back to your homecountry, I assume everything will seem to be stayed as if was. But for me there has been so much things changing. In a way nothing really has changed...and in another so much. I didn't know anybody when I went to Austria and now I have made so much new good friends that it feels strange to leave them.

I dont know if it will feel like everything in Finland have moved from its place. It will be the same place again. For the others...for my friends there. But how can I descripe what has been going on in my life. I don't have anybody to share it with there. Except Hannele of course, or Sanni. But they are not living very near by me. There is the distance similar of Austria and Denmark between us.

Feeling of going home has been changing a little bit. When getting near by the end, I don't really know if I would have liked to go back. But everything in life seems to go in small phases. Something happens, it ends, something else happens...it ends, and so on. It is nice to see that there can be so joyful things coming to your life after periods of thinking it will just stay as same for ever. I mean I was working already and finished my studies. This Erasmus change came kind of out of the blue. It was one of the best times in my life. I really enjoyed it.

I also like the things I have learned about my self and about life in general during the trip. They are not so huge things but anyway precious. For example it is very nice thing to know, that where ever you go, you are always going to find nice people. You can go and start living in different places and there will always be people who will be marvelous.
The flight leaves in 40 minutes. I sit next to Hannele and we are both writing with our laptops. I know I will really miss some people I got to know.
In Salzburg I lived with all of my senses. Enjoyed the country, the nature, the people, the studies, all of it together. What is there for me, when I go back to Finland?

I feel tired now, because of not sleeping very well in many nights before. There has been parties, packing, sitting and talking with friends at the last nights. Cleaning. Lots of cleaning!! The cleaning system really sucks. I have been cleaning like a neurotic maniac because I heard they are absolutely strict with the cleaning policy and will take money from your deposit if they find anything to complain in your room. Two days ago I saw a guy who actually painted his room all over again because of the final check. But I think they might take money from you anyway...they just take the money what ever you do...I took some photos to prove them wrong if they complain. Never in my life I have been cleaning that much.

I will miss some people more then others. Some of those who I got to know better. I think everybody was nice thought. And oh, I will miss VEEEEE. The buddy of mine...

And what next...the flight. To Igluland. To the country of us...Finns. Of five million. It is funny how in abroad your nationality really somehow defines you. The first thing usually asked after the name is your nationality. And what do I think about my country when looking it from far away...from a distance. I hate the weather. I really do and realised it even better here. After having summer like half a year, it makes you think why should I stay in a country where most of the year I am working in darkness. Going to work when it is dark and coming home when it is dark again. Winter of eight months. A quick spring and even quicker summer and fall there somewhere going by.

I dont know but I felt at home in Salzburg. Even if I missed some people in Finland and wouldn't like to move abroad alone.

But I think...this was not my last longer period in another country. I have just started.
The flight should leave in 15 minutes. The boarding has begun behind the place I am sitting. There is the Finnair-airplane and now a man taking a final picture of me and Hannele...and now I am closing the computer...

Its 23:32 Austrias time...00:32 Finnish time. I should change the time in my computer. It still feels weird. I don't get it. I am here. To stay. This probably sounds emotional. And in a way it is. But I didn't quess that this time away from Finland would feel so long when coming back. Because in a way it went so fast. But anyway...I don't know where I am. Because my heart and mind is somewhere there...


In the airplane they had this Finnish music on for middle aged people. They played Eurovision song contest song from 60's and 70's, and very hmm...not so trendy artists that like Katri Helena, the song Tipi-tii, Jari Sillanpää and also one Abba's song. One song had words translated directly: “You are my slippery playboy”...For me the songs were too much and I borrowed Hannele's mp3-player.

When I came to Vantaa it felt a bit lame. Even if I tried the effect of wine in the airplane :D Hannele said that in the air it has triple effect compared that in the ground. They had this white wine in the Finnair plane. But it tasted bad. And Finnish beer is also bad. I was complaining in the plain about beer...even if I hardly drank any beer in Austria. Maybe four times one glass... But still, I had to complain because feeling pissed off :D

And when I was looking from the windows when the plane was arriving to Helsinki-Vantaa I wondered the Finnish culture. The houses at the countryside are in the middle of woods and fields. Far away from neighbours. Like total contrast to the Middle-European village culture where you really want to say good morning to your neighbours and not to have a distance likea kilometer with every “strange person” who is not belonging to your family...

I came to my parent's place and to the place I have been living the most of my life before moving to Helsinki. It is very near by the city, but already at countryside.

What else. Yes...I needed to take a long walk at the night when I came. I wondered that it would help me to realise that a new phase in my life has begun and one just ended. But still I don't really get it that I am here, like I said. It doesn't feel like “oh, nice, I feel so at home”. It feels like. I don't know. Like looking everything from outside. Reading a book where you are the character yourself. Like oh, there she is.

I was walking at the middle of the road. And during an hour I saw two cars. For Hannele there is also some pics. She doesn't seem to get it that the area of capital also has fields and countryside. And she need's to for a special reason, which she knows ;) I think that in Finland there is actually so little people that there is countryside almost everywhere. It's one big forest. :D

I realised again like also earlier when coming from somewhere located more south, that the trees are smaller here. And so is my bank account, but my rent is bigger. Schseisse. :D
But when I was walking I also realised something. You can't really say when something ends. And actually nothing in life does. For example the exchange in Austria kind of “never” ends. The effect it made stays and redefines me and the way I look at things.
In that way, it is there. Also after you are not there anymore...